Okay,
So I will be moving soon, again in fact, and thought the prospect of being closer to the ones i love is excellent encouragement I can't help but feel apprehension.
Sure, I will be closer to family but I will also be closer to others as well. I’m afraid that situation and placement might change my perspective and have me do things I may regret.
My Ex for example, I would have a higher chance of running into him. Its not that I would be tempted into going back to him, just that I might be inclined to string him for a bit just for my own amusement.

(Yes...I Am A Bitch Like That.)

That and I would be in a much more vulnerable position for my parents to try and snatch me away. With the addition of my current mental state and the possibility of running into >insert choice expletive here< people from previous schools.
It also looks like I cant continue as I had until I’m of the womanly age of 16...so swordplay will have to be put on hold, for a while at least...

I Am Scared shitless!!!


GAAAHHHH! FUK MY LIFE!

so i took my leap...a leap wich ordered me to show my strenght,but i am not strong,not now anyway. the blessing of it left me when i took that step and now i feel as if im drowning..i know it was right,i must know,though i do not feel as though it was the correct course of action,and yet again i cannot see any other that could have been taken.
they tell me it was right,but who can i trust? so far ive been dealt hands of lies and nothing more.

Things are going alot better now...well..i don't feel like i want to crawl out of my own skin and be someone else..

flesh...Falsh of silver then red..warmth..pain.Maybe i should leave? Maybe i should leave?
Cadges,Oh Gods,cadges and trapps and screaming and yelling and ripping and tareing.needs the escape ,rip through razor wire

Perhaps for sentimental likeness i did dash that poor rodent,that symbol of my past and innocents upon the floor,cast him from the sight of deeds wich would name me a woman.Feeling the very childhood i was trapped within seep away as i gave my soul along with it.

perhaps for sentimental value it was when i realizd my one desire was held before me and all there was to be done was to reach out and touch it that my words returned and i seemed of knowing the exact emotion for wich i had serched for was now playing in my mind.

why had i pushed him aside at that moment? my attachment to such an item i have known for years and now he seems just an embodyment of my prison.Not as if he him self was the cause but mearly a symbol.
And i know that i would do it again,time and again to see my cause forfilled and to show the world that i am no longer the child so many see me as ,but a woman trying to prove herself in the world of fast paced adults and scorning onlookers.Our time together is breif but we will repair the tare in time that fates so cruely dangle us on the edge,hiding at the dark end of the street so that our breaking hearts may touch even for a moment. i hate to be kissed on the hand,bcause that is when we must let go and pretend that we hardly know eachother.

In a way i have never been happier,and yet,im the sadest have ever felt...